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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2012 18:35:40 GMT
I could never forgive an affair , for me the trust would be gone. In my experience once someone cheats on you then they are likely to do so again.
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Post by Hunny on Dec 22, 2012 19:09:37 GMT
I'm saying no, but I'm also fully aware that to a man sex is just gratification and no more (usually)...and one might want to save their relationship by understanding that, but it's hard, and once he's strayed once, what's to stop him doing it for a habit, and what does it say of how he feels about you and the quality or chances of your sex life together? I'll say no, but I could see myself wanting to work it out ..it would depend on whether the relationship has gone bad anyway or whether it matters every bit to me. So my final answer is yes, no, maybe LOL! (no, it's no. If he got to there, he's not that into me, let him go.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2012 20:04:12 GMT
I'd forgive my husband if he had an affair. I don't think it's always black and white; I wouldn't just assume it was all onesided blame and I'd ask myself if maybe both of us had been out of order in some way.
And there's affairs and affairs; surely a REAL affair (as opposed to a fling or whatever) is where there IS passion and feeling involved.
People can fall in love more than once and if my hubby Jim loved someone else better than he did me I'd try and see what it was he saw in her he didnt see in me and what she did that made him happy that i wasn't doing.
Like I say, relationships are complicated.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2012 20:17:12 GMT
so Donna , would you try and change for him? to be like the woman he had an affair with for example?
I agree , they are complicated and I have seen relationships survive an affair before and appear to be stronger.
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Post by sadie1263 on Dec 22, 2012 21:02:02 GMT
Yes.......I could. And this may seem like a strange answer.......I could see sex as just being sex.....I would have a harder time if it was an emotional/love affair.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2012 22:27:59 GMT
so Donna , would you try and change for him? to be like the woman he had an affair with for example? I agree , they are complicated and I have seen relationships survive an affair before and appear to be stronger. I'm not naive and I'm not a doormat but to me there's a big difference between a fling and an affair. If my husband had an affair it would mean IMO that he saw things in her that he was missing in me while if he just had a fling I might be hurt and angry but I wouldn't worry that he was falling out of love with me. It's the emotional attachment that would worry me about an affair which is why I'd worry about how maybe I might not be fulfilling sides of him that he needs. And before anyone asks I think he'd feel the same if it was me who'd fallen for another man! And I think there are worse problems in a marriage than infidelity. I could forgive that much more eaisly than I could dishonesty or cruetly.
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Post by toby on Dec 22, 2012 22:44:39 GMT
Toby comments.:- I never had an affair but it's not that I am a good person, I was always terrified of catching Syphylis, Gonorrhea, AIDS or Herpes, so blind fear kept me on the straight and narrow !
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Post by DAS (formerly BushAdmirer) on Dec 23, 2012 0:30:20 GMT
Men are attracted to physical attributes. If she's got a gorgeous body and a flirtatious manner, he may have difficulty resisting.
But that wouldn't mean he doesn't love his wife or that he's in love with the bimbo.
He might be having a love affair with a maximum life span of one entire weekend.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 0:36:08 GMT
Toby comments.:- I never had an affair but it's not that I am a good person, I was always terrified of catching Syphylis, Gonorrhea, AIDS or Herpes, so blind fear kept me on the straight and narrow ! Are you married, Toby?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 0:36:43 GMT
No, I could never forgive an affair.
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Post by mikemarshall on Dec 23, 2012 1:35:50 GMT
This is a difficult question to answer. In the first place I have never been unfaithful to my wife and nor has she been to me. I have also been the victim of a kind of infidelity when my girlfriend in my 20s left me for my (then) best friend.
It took me three years to forgive them but I eventually did.
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Post by ♫anna♫ on Dec 23, 2012 7:27:58 GMT
I suppose I could forgive a partner, if he had an affair with someone very much like me. If he chases a wide spectrum of women he's out of my life forever!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 7:39:09 GMT
I'm not even sure what forgiveness means. It would be hard to rid myself of a deep hurt but yes, I might be able to understand and try to mend the relationship if my partner did the same. Is that forgiveness?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 8:27:33 GMT
It's the ultimate betrayal though surely? whether its sex with some one else or an emotional affair that happened purely online , that person is disrespecting you, treating you like you don't matter , its a selfish thing to do that shows you do not love your partner imo
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 8:28:39 GMT
Men are attracted to physical attributes. If she's got a gorgeous body and a flirtatious manner, he may have difficulty resisting. But that wouldn't mean he doesn't love his wife or that he's in love with the bimbo. He might be having a love affair with a maximum life span of one entire weekend. If you truely love someone you don't have sex with someone else imo
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Post by toby on Dec 23, 2012 10:16:01 GMT
Deyanna posted.:-Are you married, Toby?
Toby's reply.:- Yes I am, to a Woman, and it's my first marriage.
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Post by toby on Dec 23, 2012 10:22:04 GMT
Gibby posted.:-that person is disrespecting you
Toby comments.:- Just a small comment Gibby. Why not use the word, 'slighted', instead of ,'disrespecting'. To use the word respect is quite OK but 'disrespecting 'is a recently manufactured word and to be honest it is an ugly word. That's just my opinion of course but I believe that ,'disrespecting', was conjoured up by folk with very little grasp of the English Language.
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Post by Hunny on Dec 23, 2012 12:36:43 GMT
I'm not even sure what forgiveness means. It would be hard to rid myself of a deep hurt but yes, I might be able to understand and try to mend the relationship if my partner did the same. Is that forgiveness? I think so. And I think the hurt of it would take time, and his regaining your confidence, to heal. ___________________ I think I understand not being sure what forgiveness is. I had a tough time with that one. It just seemed if someone wrongs me, and I say "that's ok", well it isn't, and it wasn't, so...for many years I just concluded I "cant forgive". Forgiveness to me is like saying "it was ok what you did to me". Huh! No it wasn't, and it never will be! (lol) And to this day there are a couple people whose transgressions were so repletely disrespectful I wont ever be forgiving them. To me it just isnt a possible thing anyway, because to forgive is to absolve of guilt. How can I do that? All I can really do is if enough time goes by, I can "let go" of the bad feelings. I CAN chose to do that for someone. ...But - like a police record - what they did remains in memory, in historical fact, ever casting doubt on their character and trustworthiness.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2012 15:46:57 GMT
Gibby posted.:-that person is disrespecting you Toby comments.:- Just a small comment Gibby. Why not use the word, 'slighted', instead of ,'disrespecting'. To use the word respect is quite OK but 'disrespecting 'is a recently manufactured word and to be honest it is an ugly word. That's just my opinion of course but I believe that ,'disrespecting', was conjoured up by folk with very little grasp of the English Language. Because I don't want to use the word "slighted" , I think the word "disrespecting" is far more accurate a discription of what I want to convey. I think it's an excellent word.
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Post by Hunny on Dec 23, 2012 16:21:58 GMT
Gibby posted.:-that person is disrespecting you Toby comments.:- Just a small comment Gibby. Why not use the word, 'slighted', instead of ,'disrespecting'. To use the word respect is quite OK but 'disrespecting 'is a recently manufactured word and to be honest it is an ugly word. That's just my opinion of course but I believe that ,'disrespecting', was conjoured up by folk with very little grasp of the English Language.
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