Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? - Good point, why not use sharps that junkies have discarded instead?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? - I think they have to be great white hopes, like JFK, MLK etc (no pun intended)
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? - To keep their ears warm
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? - Isn't it breaking and entering?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? - Mum just might have been to Iceland
Can you cry under water? - Yes
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? - There is no heaven, somebody just made that up to prevent you all from going nuts
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? - Lack of imagination
What disease did cured ham actually have? - Swine flu
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? - The US military knows the answer to that one
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? - Time is relative.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? - If the person has HIV its called a hearing aids
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? - Delusions of grandeur
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway. - - They go for a quick cigarette
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? - One tug and a bra is off, panties need two hands.......
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? - Its one way of increasing our carbon footprint
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? - That would destroy the storyline
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs! - Disney, one messed up dude.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? - Baby whales?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - Do capers come from capons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? - I believe it breaks the 8 bar rule.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? I didn't, I can work it out on paper.
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? We call it Tony Blair, it was in GWBs butt
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? - That's halitosis for you.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? - When in doubt, give it a clout
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? - So you sell your soul to the company store
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? - Has it dried in the meantime?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? - Jane has a sharp tongue
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? - He can't really see the bullets coming
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? - Hith and herth
If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes? - Some got left behind
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? - Trick of light
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale? - I'll lie down and have think about that one.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? - Suckers
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? - static
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? - They are magic lanterns
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?' - Who say's its alright?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? - A lack of dexterity
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? Don't you have air-con?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? - Men don't cause trouble like women do