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Post by DAS (formerly BushAdmirer) on Feb 25, 2010 23:55:42 GMT
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Can you cry under water?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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Post by fretslider on Feb 26, 2010 8:56:03 GMT
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? - Good point, why not use sharps that junkies have discarded instead? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? - I think they have to be great white hopes, like JFK, MLK etc (no pun intended) Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? - To keep their ears warm If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? - Isn't it breaking and entering? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? - Mum just might have been to Iceland Can you cry under water? - Yes Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? - There is no heaven, somebody just made that up to prevent you all from going nuts Why does a round pizza come in a square box? - Lack of imagination What disease did cured ham actually have? - Swine flu How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? - The US military knows the answer to that one Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? - Time is relative. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? - If the person has HIV its called a hearing aids Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? - Delusions of grandeur Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. - - They go for a quick cigarette Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? - One tug and a bra is off, panties need two hands....... Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? - Its one way of increasing our carbon footprint If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? - That would destroy the storyline Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! - Disney, one messed up dude. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? - Baby whales? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? - Do capers come from capons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? - I believe it breaks the 8 bar rule. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? I didn't, I can work it out on paper. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? We call it Tony Blair, it was in GWBs butt Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? - That's halitosis for you. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? - When in doubt, give it a clout Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? - So you sell your soul to the company store Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? - Has it dried in the meantime? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? - Jane has a sharp tongue Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? - He can't really see the bullets coming Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? - Hith and herth If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? - Some got left behind Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? - Trick of light Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? - I'll lie down and have think about that one. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? - Suckers Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? - static How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? - They are magic lanterns When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?' - Who say's its alright?  Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? - A lack of dexterity In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? Don't you have air-con? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? - Men don't cause trouble like women do |
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Post by riotgrrl on Feb 26, 2010 9:54:28 GMT
Some of these are quite funny, but I do take objection to the idea that having sex with a woman - any woman, be she prostitute or nun - against her will is anything but rape.
That's sick and offensive.
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Post by fretslider on Feb 26, 2010 10:41:36 GMT
Some of these are quite funny, but I do take objection to the idea that having sex with a woman - any woman, be she prostitute or nun - against her will is anything but rape. That's sick and offensive. Jokes will always offend someone, that's how comedy works. |
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Post by mouse on Feb 26, 2010 16:00:02 GMT
we need more comedy..more jokes...as fret says some one will always be offended..but so what....
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Post by june on Feb 26, 2010 17:42:58 GMT
As long as you are prepared to deal with the consequences, that's fine.
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Post by fretslider on Feb 26, 2010 17:50:13 GMT
As long as you are prepared to deal with the consequences, that's fine. Are you referring to the followers of a certain faith? |
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Post by riotgrrl on Feb 26, 2010 19:59:21 GMT
Some of these are quite funny, but I do take objection to the idea that having sex with a woman - any woman, be she prostitute or nun - against her will is anything but rape. That's sick and offensive. Jokes will always offend someone, that's how comedy works. Jokes like this one are based on some reality that we are all jolted into recognising as true. I shudder for those of you who think it's funny to recognise as true that prostitutes can't be raped. It's not a matter of being 'offended'; it's a matter of total misogyny and ideas of possession of females by males. It comes from a place of thinking that is so evil, that it's not 'un-pc funny'; it's fucking sick. |
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Post by june on Feb 26, 2010 20:19:32 GMT
As long as you are prepared to deal with the consequences, that's fine. Are you referring to the followers of a certain faith? No I was referring to me kicking a sexist pig's arse for daring to spout such tripe in front of me with the pisspoor excuse of "it's 'umour innit" - which it isn't. ;D Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter  |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 26, 2010 22:05:17 GMT
Are you referring to the followers of a certain faith? No I was referring to me kicking a sexist pig's arse for daring to spout such tripe in front of me with the pisspoor excuse of "it's 'umour innit" - which it isn't. ;D Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter Is that a joke? |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 26, 2010 22:06:36 GMT
Jokes will always offend someone, that's how comedy works. Jokes like this one are based on some reality that we are all jolted into recognising as true. I shudder for those of you who think it's funny to recognise as true that prostitutes can't be raped. It's not a matter of being 'offended'; it's a matter of total misogyny and ideas of possession of females by males. It comes from a place of thinking that is so evil, that it's not 'un-pc funny'; it's fucking sick. No, RG, its a joke. You don't like the subject of it and that's fair enough. |
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Post by june on Feb 26, 2010 22:11:33 GMT
No I was referring to me kicking a sexist pig's arse for daring to spout such tripe in front of me with the pisspoor excuse of "it's 'umour innit" - which it isn't. ;D Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter Is that a joke? No, an option. |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 27, 2010 11:29:20 GMT
Ponder this question - the answer is provided How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb??? Well, they don't actually change the lightbulb. They have a case conference in order to formulate a strategy for coping with darkness |
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Post by riotgrrl on Feb 27, 2010 12:24:52 GMT
Are you referring to the followers of a certain faith? No I was referring to me kicking a sexist pig's arse for daring to spout such tripe in front of me with the pisspoor excuse of "it's 'umour innit" - which it isn't. ;D Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter The consequences of raping a prostitute - with or without payment - would be (and rightly so) prosecution in the high court followed by a lengthy jail sentence and a lifetime on the sex offenders register. I'm sick of rape apologists. I've seen this 'joke' on other boards in different forms, including the view put forward that, for some reason I cannot fathom, a prostitute cannot be raped. Rather in the way that, until the late 1980s or so, (the year was different in Scotland than E&W) a man could not rape his wife because, by marrying him, she had somehow consented to be permanently sexually available to him. "Oh lighten up, it's just a joke". Sure, it's just a joke. But that's a poor excuse for perpetuating misogynistic violence stereotypes. I suppose it's true to say that there is no subject which is not suitable for humour. Even the holocaust can be funny (although it seems there is a secret rule that only Jewish comedians are allowed to make jokes about the holocaust.) It's also true to say that nobody has a right not to be offended. But this is a messageboard where men and women both post. It is a friendly place. A rl comparison would be that we are all in Lin's house chatting and arguing about this and that. Do you really think that rape jokes would be something you would tell sitting in someone's house to a mixed gender company? And would you really go in a 'oh it's just a joke' huff when the majority of the guests in that company felt degraded by the nature of the joke? |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 27, 2010 12:31:58 GMT
No I was referring to me kicking a sexist pig's arse for daring to spout such tripe in front of me with the pisspoor excuse of "it's 'umour innit" - which it isn't. ;D Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter The consequences of raping a prostitute - with or without payment - would be (and rightly so) prosecution in the high court followed by a lengthy jail sentence and a lifetime on the sex offenders register. I'm sick of rape apologists. I've seen this 'joke' on other boards in different forms, including the view put forward that, for some reason I cannot fathom, a prostitute cannot be raped. Rather in the way that, until the late 1980s or so, (the year was different in Scotland than E&W) a man could not rape his wife because, by marrying him, she had somehow consented to be permanently sexually available to him. "Oh lighten up, it's just a joke". Sure, it's just a joke. But that's a poor excuse for perpetuating misogynistic violence stereotypes. I suppose it's true to say that there is no subject which is not suitable for humour. Even the holocaust can be funny (although it seems there is a secret rule that only Jewish comedians are allowed to make jokes about the holocaust.) It's also true to say that nobody has a right not to be offended. But this is a messageboard where men and women both post. It is a friendly place. A rl comparison would be that we are all in Lin's house chatting and arguing about this and that. Do you really think that rape jokes would be something you would tell sitting in someone's house to a mixed gender company? And would you really go in a 'oh it's just a joke' huff when the majority of the guests in that company felt degraded by the nature of the joke? "Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter " This does not offend me at all, I can see the funny side of it. Others will probably not |
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Post by riotgrrl on Feb 27, 2010 12:36:56 GMT
The consequences of raping a prostitute - with or without payment - would be (and rightly so) prosecution in the high court followed by a lengthy jail sentence and a lifetime on the sex offenders register. I'm sick of rape apologists. I've seen this 'joke' on other boards in different forms, including the view put forward that, for some reason I cannot fathom, a prostitute cannot be raped. Rather in the way that, until the late 1980s or so, (the year was different in Scotland than E&W) a man could not rape his wife because, by marrying him, she had somehow consented to be permanently sexually available to him. "Oh lighten up, it's just a joke". Sure, it's just a joke. But that's a poor excuse for perpetuating misogynistic violence stereotypes. I suppose it's true to say that there is no subject which is not suitable for humour. Even the holocaust can be funny (although it seems there is a secret rule that only Jewish comedians are allowed to make jokes about the holocaust.) It's also true to say that nobody has a right not to be offended. But this is a messageboard where men and women both post. It is a friendly place. A rl comparison would be that we are all in Lin's house chatting and arguing about this and that. Do you really think that rape jokes would be something you would tell sitting in someone's house to a mixed gender company? And would you really go in a 'oh it's just a joke' huff when the majority of the guests in that company felt degraded by the nature of the joke? "Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter " This does not offend me at all, I can see the funny side of it. Others will probably not I can't see the funny side of a man being anally raped by a bottle. However, as I've said, there is really no subject which is excluded from jokes. I suppose I just question the inclusion of the rape joke in a long list of benign, lightly amusing, observations. Context is important in humour. And I don't think that particular 'joke' sits easily within the initial post. |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 27, 2010 12:43:56 GMT
"Maybe I'd rape him with a beer bottle and chuck him 50p so it wouldn't really matter " This does not offend me at all, I can see the funny side of it. Others will probably not I can't see the funny side of a man being anally raped by a bottle. However, as I've said, there is really no subject which is excluded from jokes. I suppose I just question the inclusion of the rape joke in a long list of benign, lightly amusing, observations. Context is important in humour. And I don't think that particular 'joke' sits easily within the initial post. Let's just say that some people are more easily offended than others. |
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Post by june on Feb 27, 2010 14:44:32 GMT
I can't see the funny side of a man being anally raped by a bottle. However, as I've said, there is really no subject which is excluded from jokes. I suppose I just question the inclusion of the rape joke in a long list of benign, lightly amusing, observations. Context is important in humour. And I don't think that particular 'joke' sits easily within the initial post. Let's just say that some people are more easily offended than others. I wasn't even trying to be funny! ;D |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 27, 2010 14:46:58 GMT
Let's just say that some people are more easily offended than others. I wasn't even trying to be funny! ;D Maybe you don't have to |
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Post by june on Feb 27, 2010 15:21:43 GMT
I wasn't even trying to be funny! ;D Maybe you don't have to Oi - I can be quite mean you know, to those who toy with my affections.  But I am fair. So, I will take that comment to mean that I am super fantastically effortlessly amusing and not that I am a figure of fun. ;D |
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Post by fretslider on Feb 28, 2010 14:44:30 GMT
Maybe you don't have to Oi - I can be quite mean you know, to those who toy with my affections. But I am fair. So, I will take that comment to mean that I am super fantastically effortlessly amusing and not that I am a figure of fun. ;D Oh, I know you. I was of course referring to your verve and your sharp wit.  |
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Post by Synonym on Mar 3, 2010 22:09:39 GMT
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? I thought that to be assassinated one only had to have been deliberately targeted and killed by a professional assassin. Just looked at an online definition and I guess I was wrong. A definition is "When someone important is assassinated, they are murdered as a political act." - but wouldn't that make anyone ever killed by a terrorist, a victim of assassination.Of course it is rape. How about if you didn't pay her afterwards though? Would that be theft? Of what? (Still wrong of course) |
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Post by o on Mar 12, 2010 12:33:52 GMT
Jokes will always offend someone, that's how comedy works. that's just such a silly remark. there are millions of jokes that are funny yet do not offend anyone. |
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Post by fretslider on Mar 12, 2010 12:44:12 GMT
Jokes will always offend someone, that's how comedy works. that's just such a silly remark. there are millions of jokes that are funny yet do not offend anyone. Yeah ok, pass the jelly would you. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2010 12:45:43 GMT
Perhaps. But it is also possible to make a joke about anything without giving justified offence.
I can think of such a joke about rape, but am not sure I could tell it the way it should be told. It's point was to educate, to show double standards if you like - its intention was not to make rape something to laugh about.
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Nov 14, 2024 22:18:24 GMT
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biglinmarshall.proboards.com/thread/7917/bits-pieces-magazine-issue-2024
Nov 4, 2024 17:39:29 GMT
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biglinmarshall.proboards.com/thread/7917/bits-pieces-magazine-issue-2024
Nov 4, 2024 17:39:29 GMT
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yay! 
thanks
Nov 2, 2024 17:09:05 GMT
thanks
Nov 2, 2024 17:09:05 GMT
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