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Post by Hunny on Dec 13, 2012 15:25:48 GMT
___________________________________________Our Member of The Month!Skylark Congratulations!  ___________________________________________ ![]() COMIC QUOTES 'Deep Thoughts' - by Jack Handey Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak. Whether they live in an igloo, a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing – a better house. ![]() It’s Christmas, so I decided to provide you with 25 Ways To Annoy People:1 - Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
2 - Honk and wave to strangers.
3 - Wire your left blinker permanently on.
4 - When you go in the confessional, yell "Hey is there any toilet paper over there?"
5 - Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
6 - Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
7 - Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
8 - Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
9 - Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it’s gone now."
10- Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
11- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
12- Sing along at the opera.
13- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
14- At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
15- When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
16- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
17- Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
18- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
19- Ask people what gender they are.
20- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
21- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
22- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
23- Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
24- At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
25- Leave your Christmas lights up until mid-September.
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Delusions of A
Hopeful Pessimist
by Sadie1263
Sadie is married, with three grown sons and nine dogs.
She works for a family business, loves reading (just about
everything), watches a lot of TV and does a lot of dog walking!!
I have been searching the health stories high and low......there was an interesting article about a heart surgeon that infected his patients with his infected finger. I had a mad desire to search him out and smack his hand and ask him what his mother would say. Seriously......we already have to sign our body parts before surgery to make sure they operate on the right place. Now we have to check and see if they washed their hands or if they have infected oozing cuts on them too? I saw another story about a man shot in the head, who then sneezed out the bullet.....I didn’t even want to read all of that one.....there are some things I just don’t want to know. There was an amazing plethora (I love that word) of stories about people and nails in their head......I’m fairly accident prone.....but really? Then I found a whole section of stories and then links to research studies and volunteering for them. While some of them seem rather disturbing.....there is some decent money for a few of them. I was particularly sad to know that I missed a recent one.
A recent study has shown that women who drank moderately have higher bone density then non drinkers or heavy drinkers. Now....they are talking......I, and several of my closest friends, would be perfect for these studies and I plan on setting up our own continued research. Anything for science, right?
Throughout life, bones constantly remodel themselves, building up new sections while breaking down old ones in turnover processes called formation and resorption. As we age, this turnover falls out of balance, leaving bones thinner and weaker. Moderate doses of alcohol seem to tip the scale back in the right direction.
“The new study, which was published in the journal Menopause and led by Urszula Iwaniec of Oregon State University, sought to examine how alcohol might affect bone turnover in women, who are at especially high risk for fractures late in life. It included 40 healthy postmenopausal women under 65, just at the age at which the risk for osteoporosis and fractures starts to rise.
All of the women were daily or near-daily moderate drinkers, defined in the study as having one-half to two standard drinks per day. Most of the women preferred wine; in America, a standard drink of wine is defined as a 5-ounce glass, of which there are about five in a typical bottle.
For the study, the women were asked to abstain entirely from alcohol for two weeks, and then start drinking again for two days. Researchers tracked certain blood markers of bone health throughout, and found that these markers of bone density correlated positively with alcohol consumption: in other words, the more the women drank within the moderate range, the better their bone health looked.
During their period of abstinence, the scientists saw negative changes in measures of bone formation and resorption. “There was a significant increase in the bone turnover markers osteocalcin and CTx when alcohol was excluded for 14 days,” the authors write. That is, when the women weren’t drinking, their bones were breaking down more than they were being rebuilt.”
But when they started drinking again, the healthier levels were restored. “Within 12-14 hours of resuming alcohol consumption, osteocalcin and CTx returned to values that did not differ from baseline,” the authors note, concluding that the “small but significant increases in [these chemicals] after short-term abstinence provide substantial evidence that moderate alcohol consumption decreases bone turnover.”
So this Christmas and New Year......and really......when I read this they seem to be encouraging daily drinking.........don’t let anyone give you any grief. You, my friend, are a walking ....science experiment. No one drove you to drink.....you are collecting scientific data.
At work.....as part of your company health plan....I think this means margarita machines in the break room.
Let me pass along the usual warnings......no drinking and driving......invite everyone over and pass out sleeping bags....whatever you need to do stay safe. The study does say MODERATE drinking.....so I do need to insist on that. You have seen the drunken arrest pictures of many famous people......they are never pretty.....and remember...this is for science and better health....... so take notes.
_________________________________________________________________________________________ mikemarshall
Husband to BigLin who founded the site, Mike Marshall is a retired
college lecturer with a PhD in Philosophy. He and Lin have been
together 15 years - married for 12 - and have a son who's eleven
and a daughter aged seven. They make their way together, buying
and renovating real estate to sell and let. Here is a brilliant article
which he was kind enough to write for us.
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The Legacy of the Enlightenment
The Enlightenment was one of the most decisive periods in human history and broadly extended from around 1670 to 1800. Even after it had run its course it continued to influence events up to the First World War after which there was a massive popular reaction against its values.
What was it that made the period so special? Essentially the thinkers of the Enlightenment might have disagreed on many issues - political and religious ones were particularly divisive - but they shared a common belief in reason, tolerance and a human-centred approach to the world. Their motto was that of the ancient Greek philosopher Protagoras who said 'man is the measure of all things.'
The Enlightenment approach led not simply to scientific and philosophical progress on an unparalleled scale but also to a growing reluctance to persecute people for their opinions and, on the whole, towards an increasing belief that liberty and a wider share in government by the people were desirable aims.
As always in life there was often a considerable gap between theory and practice. The Founding Fathers of the United States made many ringing declarations and yet tolerated discrimination against non-whites and females. John Adams' wife urged him to introduce female suffrage but he rejected the idea contemptuously. In the same way men like Washington and Jefferson owned slaves and although Jefferson at least was aware of the contradiction between his political opinions and the reality of slavery he appeared incapable of drawing the obvious conclusion that slavery needed to be abolished.
The French Revolution actually worshipped a Goddess of Reason and yet its turbulent years in power saw due process ignored to an even greater degree than under the monarchy. The period that began with the release of prisoners from the Bastille ended with a military dictatorship followed by the restoration of the previous royal family.
There is no doubt that the excesses of the French Revolution led to many people turning away from the ideas of the Enlightenment. Nevertheless they continued to ferment and can be seen in trends as diverse as Darwinism, the Industrial Revolution and the growing demand for political reform, a wider franchise and the addressing of economic injustices.
What united the thinkers of the period was a common belief that the welfare of human beings should be the first and most important concern of government and society. It was wrong to suppress the free critical intelligence and wrong to seek to impose values upon other people by compulsion.
All these aspects of the Enlightenment strike me as totally admirable. One of the saddest aspects of the last fifty years or so has been the growing rejection of rationality, tolerance, equality and compassion. From religious fundamentalists to ecologists, from nationalists, neo-Marxists and other people wedded to belief systems that take no account of the possibility of error, still less the intrinsic human rights of other people, we see the values of the Enlightenment trashed on a daily basis.
When we look back at the achievements of those brave souls and compare them with the current climate of hatred, paranoia and intolerance it is difficult to believe that in spite of our material progress since those days we are not living in a world that is intellectually, morally and culturally infinitely poorer than that of our Enlightenment predecessors. -by Linda Marshall
Only a wing-tip away from food,
he cuts the air in a rush of hunger,
claws hold the victim as his beak
takes what he needs to carry on.
Oh God, this endless cycle of life and death:
Must humans too rob humans of their breath?
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         Youtube is filled with people who want to be a show host. There are different kinds, including funny shows, narcissistic shows, busy body shows, stupid shows, and also there are the intelligent ones. Here's one I found interesting. I like the way she wields logic, with an accent.___________________________________________________________ MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!![]() ___________________________________________________________  __________________________________________________________________ Member InterviewsSkylark How did you hear about Bits? What brought you here? I've an idea Lin invited me from another board....but it was
such a long time ago that I may be mistaken!And what keeps you here? The different - and sometimes unusual - viewpoints. How long have you been on the internet, at forums? Where were you before Bits? If I were in the US I'd claim the Fifth Amendment! I've been posting on forums
for far too long. It all began with the BBC inviting listeners to the Today
Programme to put their views on a message board. They stopped
advertising their boards soon after that: I hope I wasn't responsible. Favorite advice or lesson you picked up along the way? Most of the really good advice, like "live for the moment" is hard to put into practice.
When I was a teenager I came across this quote by Robert Louis Stevenson:
"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy
we sow anonymous benefits upon the world. I pondered over the idea of
happiness as a duty rather than an indulgence, and rather liked it!
Have you had a successful life? Well, I'm still alive, which has to be a success in itself!Where do you wish you were right now?
Come along now: I'm trying to live for the moment!What word(s) describes you best? Studiously idle What is your greatest accomplishment? Quitting smokingWhat traits in others are you attracted to? Patience, tolerance and quiet good humour.One thing that really really annoys you? Littering. It may not be the greatest crime in the world, but there is
absolutely no excuse or even an understandable reason for it. If you were stranded on an island, who would you want to be with? Why? Recently I re-read A.A. Milne's children's poem "The Old Sailor" and have
an uncomfortable idea that this is how I would behave if shipwrecked.
So I need to be stranded with a Bear Grylls type who enjoys nothing better
than building shelters and catching fish while I sit around doing nothing.
The Old Sailor -by A. A. Milne
There was once an old sailor my grandfather knew
Who had so many things which he wanted to do
That, whenever he thought it was time to begin,
He couldn't because of the state he was in.
He was shipwrecked, and lived on a island for weeks,
And he wanted a hat, and he wanted some breeks;
And he wanted some nets, or a line and some hooks
For the turtles and things which you read of in books.
And, thinking of this, he remembered a thing
Which he wanted (for water) and that was a spring;
And he thought that to talk to he'd look for, and keep
(If he found it) a goat, or some chickens and sheep.
Then, because of the weather, he wanted a hut
With a door (to come in by) which opened and shut
(With a jerk, which was useful if snakes were about),
And a very strong lock to keep savages out.
He began on the fish-hooks, and when he'd begun
He decided he couldn't because of the sun.
So he knew what he ought to begin with, and that
Was to find, or to make, a large sun-stopping hat.
He was making the hat with some leaves from a tree,
When he thought, "I'm as hot as a body can be,
And I've nothing to take for my terrible thirst;
So I'll look for a spring, and I'll look for it first."
Then he thought as he started, "Oh, dear and oh, dear!
I'll be lonely tomorrow with nobody here!"
So he made in his note-book a couple of notes:
"I must first find some chickens" and "No, I mean goats."
He had just seen a goat (which he knew by the shape)
When he thought, "But I must have boat for escape.
But a boat means a sail, which means needles and thread;
So I'd better sit down and make needles instead."
He began on a needle, but thought as he worked,
That, if this was an island where savages lurked,
Sitting safe in his hut he'd have nothing to fear,
Whereas now they might suddenly breathe in his ear!
So he thought of his hut ... and he thought of his boat,
And his hat and his breeks, and his chickens and goat,
And the hooks (for his food) and the spring (for his thirst) ...
But he never could think which he ought to do first.
And so in the end he did nothing at all,
But basked on the shingle wrapped up in a shawl.
And I think it was dreadful the way he behaved -
He did nothing but bask until he was saved!
Chips' Corner Married, father of 5 children - 4 daughters and one boy, with just the youngest two surviving - Chips originated from Leicester UK and emigrated to Australia in 1971. He decided to aim for a new career in the retail industry and started at the bottom of the ladder. Two years later he became an executive trainee. He achieved the rank of a senior manager 10 years later. In 1985 Chips purchased and operated a mom & pop store (a delicatessen). Open 4am to 10pm, they made upward of 300 rolls and sandwiches every day of the year. He sold the business in 1995 and did a weekly column in the Adelaide Sunday Mail until he officially retired in 2000. Unbelievable Coke Ad....You'll love this ... created by some Engineering Students. Outside the box, like a Rube Goldberg...if you're of a certain age to know who Rube was.Very brave park ranger:Ice FishingThe Presidential election 2012 was too close to call. Neither Mitt Romney nor Barack Obama had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. A week-long ice fishing competition seemed to be a sportsmanlike way to settle things, and the candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election. After much back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin . There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for the day to be counted and verified by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, Romney returned to the starting line and he had 10 fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having a bad day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day Romney came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none. That evening, the Democrats got together secretly and said to Obama, I think Mitt Romney is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. Tomorrow, don't even bother fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating. The next night (after Romney returns with 50 fish), the Democrats got together for the report of how the Republicans were cheating. Obama shook his head and said, "You are not going to believe this, he's cutting holes in the ice."__________________________________________________________  _________________________________________
By Donna
Married, with three children - a son and two daughters -
Donna works part-time as an office cleaner, loves the
countryside, West Ham United Football Club and politics.
In her spare time she writes as much as she can as well as
running three yahoo groups, four blogs and two other forums!
Is egoism rational?
Again and again you hear people saying, in slightly less or more extreme ways, “It’s up to me what I do. I don’t have ANY kind of responsibility for my actions or any duty to consider the feelings of other people.” There are lots of moral arguments you can use against that idea but for now I’m just going to concentrate on the rational ones against it.
If you assume that everyone has some kind of innate right to do whatever they please, then you’ve got no sort of rational basis for objecting to anything that anyone else does. Fine, if you want to live in a cave or a desert island where there are no other inhabitants. If you live in a community, or even a family, though, it’s different. You simply have to consider others in terms of your own behavior.
The rapist has the same “right” to rape you as you have to dress or behave sexually provocatively. There’s no more basis for objecting to him raping you than there is for him objecting to you behaving like a slut. The thief has the same “right” to take your money as you have to hold on to it. If you tamper with the brakes on a car and cause an accident or even a fatality, hey, that’s cool, says the egoist. I was just doing what I felt like doing and nobody has any right to blame me for what happened. If you feel like murdering your children, well, why not? You just happened to feel that way at the time and no one can blame you for what you did. This is what happens when you follow egoism to its logical conclusion. It produces total nonsense. Philosophers call what I’m doing a “reduction ad absurdum” argument because it shows that the logical consequences of an argument are – well, bullsh*t.
Even in “game theory” it’s been proved conclusively that altruism is a better strategy than egoism. In real life if the only person you give a damn about is yourself, why should anyone else give a damn about you? Your protestations and complaints about the behavior of other people are just hypocritical bullsh*t if you’re an egoist. Of course most egoists are hypocrites. They want special treatment so that THEY can be selfish and uncaring but they expect OTHERS to consider THEM. Why the hell should we? If they think they can treat other people like sh*t, why should they be surprised if sometimes they get paid back in their own coin? But that’s egoism for you. Not only self-centered nastiness but total hypocrisy as well.
Altruism rocks; egoism sucks!_______________________ Write us a bad poem! A really bad poem! ![]() If you can't write one, just find us one. ![]() Multiple submissions are encouraged.Winner will be picked based on awfulness and funniness.Get to writing! ![]() __________________________________________ We're also taking submissions for REALLY GOOD POEMS. Please specify which kind you are submitting. ;D There will be a contest point won for each kind. If you guys submit lots of these, we might just pick the winners weekly, all month. If not, just once for the month then. Have fun with it! Click here to enter! ![]() (Don't forget to read the rest of the magazine!)'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  Our Bits & Pieces snoop has been watching, and taking pictures of things that happened during the month... *These are actual pictures of American shoppers, at Wal-Mart (yes, they went out of their houses that way). Any resemblance to Bits members is purely coincidental. (em, don't take it seriously, it's all in fun)Sadie still needs to wash her car after her long trip. "Bend and stretch, reach for the sky...!" ♫ Hey, it's David Spade! Ooh, I guess he's been out of work for a while now... Skylark was feeling positively monstrous today. *sigh* Who knew Wal-Mart didn't allow pets?!! Oh well, Chips, leave him out in the truck then. Al Gore?? I knew it!!! Hey! I wanted to wear that to go chair shopping!  Hunny lost her clothes due to a malfunction, but managed to improvise with this chair cover and a red crayon. Look out, it's got you! em.. What the hell is that?   Toby debates whether to carry it out or just drink it here. Cousin It!!  SEE YOU ALL NEXT MONTH! Feel free to leave comments, please!The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year.__________________________________________________ Bits & Pieces
CONTRIBUTING STAFF
Big Lin
MikeMarshall
Sadie1263
Skylark
Hunny
Donna
Chips
__________________________________________________  If you have anything you'd like to submit to be printed in next month's issue, send it to Hunny (click). Copyrighted material re-printed herein is with permission, or for purpose of review or education, by allowance - in the U.S. - of the Fair Use Act.
We do not claim ownership of said material. Our writers do claim copyright of their own material, by-lined or not. To contact the Editor, click here.
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Nov 14, 2024 22:18:24 GMT
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Nov 14, 2024 22:18:24 GMT
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biglinmarshall.proboards.com/thread/7917/bits-pieces-magazine-issue-2024
Nov 4, 2024 17:39:29 GMT
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yay! 
thanks
Nov 2, 2024 17:09:05 GMT
Oct 23, 2024 18:34:05 GMT