Slightly off-track but I came across this earlier today.
www.reddit.com/r/p...epublican_could_believe/Things Only a Republican Could Believe:
* Parents who don't want their children to pray in school are
Anti-American zealots -- parents who don't want their children to
listen to a speech by the President of the United States telling them
to work hard and get good grades are noble patriots.
* Peacefully demonstrating against the country starting an
international war is treason -- showing up with automatic weapons to
protest healthcare reform is democracy at its finest.
* Any government official with a desk job should have every action
scrutinized -- any government official with a badge and a gun should
never be questioned or disrespected. At all. Ever.
* Questioning the legitimacy of an election because the "winner" was
selected by the Supreme Court is sour grapes -- questioning the
legitimacy of an election because the winner (by the largest number of
votes in American history) is really a Kenyan born Muslim despite all
evidence to the contrary is being a vigilant American.
* Lying about a blowjob is an impeachable offense -- lying about a war
is no big deal, really.
* Investigating a shady land deal involving the First Lady is a matter
of National Identity -- investigating the use of torture at the
direction of the Executive Branch is a partisan witch hunt.
* Executing Japanese officers for waterboarding prisoners during WWII
shows that we have the moral high-ground on human rights --
waterboarding prisoners of our shows that we have the moral
high-ground on human rights.
* Sitting two rows in front of Jane Fonda in a 1970 anti-war rally is
an OUTRAGE! Shaking Saddam's hand in 1983...meh, not so much.
* Anyone who questions the president during a time of war is giving
aide and comfort to the enemy and should be deported...unless the
president in question has a (D) next to their name in which case you
should undermine them at every turn even if you have to routinely make
shit up to do it.
* Socialism, Marxism, Communism and Fascism are all interchangeable
words that mean pretty much the same thing.
* Anyone who abuses drugs should be locked up indefinitely...unless
they are a popular Republican radio host in which case they need your
prayers as they recover from the illness of addiction.
* Health Insurance companies have your best interests in mind and
anyone who thinks otherwise is trying to turn America into the Godless
heathen nation of Sweden where EVERYONE in the country dies
(eventually).
* Obama is an atheist communist muslim who attended a radical christian church.
* Believing that human activity could impact the global environment is
crazy talk -- believing that an invisible man in the sky personally
told George Bush to invade Iraq to fulfill Biblical prophecy is
logically sound.
* The verdict is still out on evolution -- but Jesus Christ returning
in our lifetimes is a pretty much a given.
* The media are unquestionably biased against Republicans -- Talk
Radio, The Washington Times, The Weekly Standard, The Wall Street
Journal, Rightwing Blogs, Fox News and NewsCorp are not part of the
media.
* The government should have no part in regulating multi-national
corporations as they make decisions that impact the lives of millions
of people -- government should regulate individuals by determining who
they can marry, what kind of intercourse they can have, what they can
smoke, how to manage their pregnancy and how to proceed with end of
life decisions.
* Communicating with hostile nations is a stab in the back to our
great nation -- Reagan communicating with the USSR during the Cold War
was Political Genius.
* Iran is a mortal threat to our nation and anyone who attempts to
talk to them is traitorous scum -- selling weapons to Iran and then
funneling the money to start wars in South America is clearly in our
National interest.
* George Bush kept the nation safe after 9-11 (NOTE: the Anthrax
attacks, the DC Sniper and Hurricane Katrina don't count. Also, the
fact that 9-11 happened on his watch despite receiving a security
briefing specifically warning of the attack doesn't count either.)
* Social Security, Meidcare, public schooling, public libraries, fire
departments, police departments and the US Military are as American as
Apple Pie -- universal healthcare is ZOMGDEATHPANELSOCIALISM!!
* George W Bush is a regular 'ole Texas rancher just like you and me
despite the fact that he was born in Connecticut, attended two Ivy
League schools, bought the Crawford ranch just before running for
president, sold it immediate after leaving office and is terrified of
horses.
* The two guys at the center of the Watergate and Iran-Contra scandals
are trustworthy voices in discussions of current national policy and
should be taken at face-value.
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