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Post by Hunny on Nov 9, 2012 11:08:03 GMT
(Please go to the end of the thread to see the current post!)FRIDAY IS ADVICE DAY, AT BITS!
Just leave your questions as a comment, or pm them to Hunny if you'd like your question posted anonymously, and every Friday, you'll see some answers!
You could sign your question as "Haggered in Harrisburg", for example, or whatever you think of.
DO: Pick the appropriate advice columnist, to suit your need, from the following list, then post your question: //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// If you have a serious question, you can dubiously entrust your future happiness and success to, erm, I mean, you can:
Ask Hunny//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// If you're NOT serious and just want to have some fun - which is mostly what we're looking for - choose from the following list:My girlfriend seems to be ashamed of my job as a fruit seller. How can I convince her that this is a job which has great potential to make me a billionaire fruit mogul? She just laughs at me when I point this out. What you need to do is actually eat some of the fruit. Have you ever eaten some of that fruit? I didn't think so. It's awful!! For a great many reasons: It doesn't go good with beer (so there's your male market gone right there, and lady golfers). It can't be used to make a sandwich. And it smells FRUITY! And Guru doesn't like fruity! raaaaaaarp! *swill, scratch scratch*
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Advice From The Tin Foil Hat LadyChildren need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ASK MAGNUSON !
Got a question or problem? Need to know the answer right away?ASK MAGNUSON! He may not know the answer to everything, but he'll give you one anyway; and we assure you that's just as good!! So don't fret without a direction, or make a plan without a clue. Get an answer, right now, to what's been bugging you! Just ask Magnuson! MAGNUSON KNOWS!!________________________________ Dear Magnuson,I talked with Hunny, and she is concerned if there's someone else under your sheets. I mean, it doesn't look there's only your legs there.Please tell us? We can't ask you questions sincerely, without being sure there's no third party listening to our serious problems. Thank you, Magnuson.MAGNUSON KNOWS!!Em, it is only my legs. I'm just levitating.. a little *looks shifty*You know.. levitating.*waits**sweats**bursts into confession*Okay Okay!! I admit it!I have a small family living under there. I'm subletting(it truly upsets them every time I do, too. *waits*)(I told ya' I was gonna work some fart humor in here! )Wait. *checks* Hmm, they don't seem to be moving any more..Well, it was probably the lack of oxygen. Or something.Oh well. So I have a place available. Anyone need a place to live?? *blinkz* Cheap rent!! Easy maintenance!It's heated.//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Ask The Moose! "I want to ask about Yogi and Boo Boo. I'm not sure I understand their relationship" //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Ask A RedneckDear costomer, Yer cor's almost riddy! Me and Earl's rite on the job. When you first dropped it off to be fixed, in 1993, we didn't realize just how herd it could..well, let's just say one thing led to th' other, and like thet..anyhow, it's almost riddy! - Earl and Bubba, backyard mechanics YOU CIN ALSO GIT:Home improvement advice... Fashin Advice! Body Shop Advice... Don't pay high prices, build it yerself ADVICE... Maruj Advice! Other advice... Or anything ya' jes' need to know about! Just be shore n' ask a redneck!//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Okay, so pick one and ask a question!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2012 13:39:15 GMT
Definitely not one for the redneck, this one.
I'll try the Moose.
It is a lovely day outside, I have jobs to do and the dog to walk, yet I am sitting with a laptop on my knee wasting the day.
How can I get up and get busy?
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Post by Hunny on Nov 9, 2012 13:44:36 GMT
Definitely not one for the redneck, this one. I'll try the Moose. It is a lovely day outside, I have jobs to do and the dog to walk, yet I am sitting with a laptop on my knee wasting the day. How can I get up and get busy? Thanks. Next Friday answers get posted, and new questions taken I hope the "red neck" humor wasn't somehow offensive??? I know Jeff Foxworthy makes a living off of that kind of humor, and I'd also note that the people in the southeast deserve much credit for ingenuity (so it's not really a put down). But maybe there's something else I don't understand?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2012 16:13:57 GMT
Hunny, the reason I don't want a reduneck answering my question is because his solution would doubtless involve a horsewhip to get me out of the chair, coupled with threat to tow me behind the truck.
The Moose looks a laid-back, sympathetic sort of chap.
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Post by Hunny on Nov 9, 2012 16:52:46 GMT
Hunny, the reason I don't want a reduneck answering my question is because his solution would doubtless involve a horsewhip to get me out of the chair, coupled with threat to tow me behind the truck. The Moose looks a laid-back, sympathetic sort of chap. ;D That he is!
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Post by Hunny on Nov 16, 2012 11:13:46 GMT
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Ask The Moose! "I want to ask about Yogi and Boo Boo. I'm not sure I understand their relationship" //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// This week...
SKYLARK ASKS: "It is a lovely day outside, I have jobs to do and the dog to walk, yet I am sitting with a laptop on my knee wasting the day. How can I get up and get busy?"
THE MOOSE RESPONDS: Well, the short answer is you can't, or you shouldn't. You should stay right there until your butt grows roots down into the chair, and...oh did I say that out loud? Hmm...let's examine your problem from another angle. If you go outside, you may - as I did - get attacked by a big yellow thing in the sky. I don't want to say I never get off the computer and see daylight, but indeed, this made my eyes all hurty and I had to rush back inside the house, to the safety of my computer and hurriedly google "big yellow things". Well, much to my relief I was told it was only Big Bird (although I'm not so sure it might have been something else. You know, it's tough being a moose, beca...oh wait, we're talking about your problem. Well, you could always quit your job and hire a maid so you can stay online, but that solution won't last very long, and you asked how you can get motivated. mm.. GET UP!!! GET THE **** UP AND GO WALK THE DOG, WHAT"S THE MATTER FOR YOU!!!! *ahem* ..Hope that helped. Yours sincerely, The Moose//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// FRIDAY IS ADVICE DAY, AT BITS!
Just leave your questions as a comment, or pm them to Hunny if you'd like your question posted anonymously, and every Friday, you'll see some answers!
You could sign your question as "Haggered in Harrisburg", for example, or whatever you think of.
DO: Pick the appropriate advice columnist, to suit your need, from the list, here: click Then ask away!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2012 18:11:00 GMT
I love The Moose; he is ace. I'm still here, though.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2012 19:13:15 GMT
Now I need to ask the Tinfoil hat lady how to persuade the dog that he will be much happier sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV than running around the muddy woods. I am sure she has the solution.
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Post by Hunny on Nov 22, 2012 8:40:14 GMT
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Advice From The Tin Foil Hat Lady! This week...
SKYLARK ASKS: "I need to ask the Tinfoil hat lady how to persuade the dog that he will be much happier sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV than running around the muddy woods. I am sure she has the solution."
THE TINFOIL HAT LADY REPLIES: Tin foil! Wait, what was the question *reads* Oh that's tin foil! Now you need to make him a little hat of course, but in the dog's case, it'll have to be smaller than your hat. Em, you do have a hat don't you? *sigh* I always tells 'em and they never listens. Alright, you NEED the hat to protect from the rays. But here's where most people get it wrong. It's not rays coming in that you want to stop, it's the rays you're sending out. You see the government's listening and...oh yea, the dog. Okay his little hat should be perhaps a little foil beanie with a propeller on top. (Hey, we're nuts, but that doesn't mean we have no sense of style! ) Now your doggie is safe from sending his doggie thoughts out into the woods, inviting others to come and beg for him to go out and join them. Also it's good for if it rains, and for making the other dogs jealous of how good he looks... Oh wait, you want to keep him IN! Okay. *adjusts hat* That's easy... Don't let him out!!! Just give him one of your favorite slippers to chew on, turn on the tube and sit on the couch together and enjoy the warm indoors! Hope that helped! //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// FRIDAY IS ADVICE DAY, AT BITS!
Just leave your questions as a comment, or pm them to Hunny if you'd like your question posted anonymously, and every Friday, you'll see some answers!
Silly or serious, I'll answer 'em. You could sign your question as "Haggered in Harrisburg", for example, or whatever you think of.
DO: Pick the appropriate advice columnist, to suit your need, from the list, here: click Then ask away! And don't forget, you can now also choose to "Ask Romney" for advice (he's got some free time now ). "It's the Democrats fault. Give me your money and your job."//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2012 18:31:48 GMT
Hunny, your tinfoil hat lady is awesome.
Love the picture...where did you find it?
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Post by Hunny on Nov 22, 2012 18:43:46 GMT
Hunny, your tinfoil hat lady is awesome. Love the picture...where did you find it? lol, I'm glad you liked it .. The dog I just googled "how do I make a tinfoil hat for my dog?"...and was surprised to see people have discussed this and taken pictures (hoo boy!). And the tin foil hat lady herself...mm..I think I just googled "tin foil hat pictures"..you'd be surprised how many people have a fondness for that particular joke..
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2012 20:39:43 GMT
What advice would you give to a woman whose brother is seeing another woman even though he's married with two kids?
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Post by sadie1263 on Nov 30, 2012 2:21:49 GMT
Yikes.......give an anonymous package of superglue to the wife and an article about Lorena Bobbitt.
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Post by Hunny on Nov 30, 2012 11:35:54 GMT
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
ASK MAGNUSON !
Got a question or problem? Need to know the answer right away?ASK MAGNUSON! He may not know the answer to everything, but he'll give you one anyway; and we assure you that's just as good!! So don't fret without a direction, or make a plan without a clue. Get an answer, right now, to what's been bugging you! Just ask Magnuson! MAGNUSON KNOWS!!________________________________ Dear Magnuson,As I get older, so do the hairs on my legs grow longer. On the one hand they keep me warm in winter. On the other, I think they may be putting off the chaps, because I haven't had a date in months. When I shave my legs I end up having to stick plaster all over them and also unblock the plug hole.WorriedDear Worried,*thinking about the plug hole and wondering if it's just a language thing*Okay, well don't put hair in there. Don't put anything in there! (Yeesh!)Well this is a hairy problem! ;D ..Hold on .. Okay Magnuson is all better now. Well look, here at the Sleepy Hollow Asyl...erm, I mean hotel (yea, that's what Magnuson meant *waves watch*)we don't shave anything because they won't provide us with razors. But now the lady next to me pulls it out, and also gets her screaming done at the same time. Magnuson thinks multi-tasking is good. And we also have people whose hair just falls out when they have their electro-shock..erm..treatments. Now as I notice, neither of these is done in the bathtub. So you just gotta' sit right on the floor for this, you see. Then once you get that all done, Magnuson will have a date with you! Just please bring a file and some bolt cutters (they're for my hobby ), and in no time we will be out on the lawn dancing in the sprinkler system and other things that folks like Magnuson do. Dear Magnuson,What advice would you give to a woman whose brother is seeing another woman even though he's married with two kids?Well do you want serious advice or the kind Magnuson gives? MM, seriously, if this woman is your sister or good friend, I'd get all over the man's case about it, but try not to have to tell her, it will only break things up. Just smack him with the toilet lid, and..oh wait, that's Magnuson advice there...and besides you probably need your lid. On the other hand if this woman is not your sister or best friend, my advice is don't put yourself in the middle of it. Why one day I got in the middle of someone's argument with the nurse, and she accidentally shot me with his thorazine. Hmm. I had a pretty good day after that, come to think of it. But still, it is unwise to get involved in others affairs.Hope that helped! //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// FRIDAY IS ADVICE DAY, AT BITS!Just leave your questions as a comment, or pm them to Hunny if you'd like your question posted anonymously, and every Friday, you'll see some answers!Silly or serious, I'll answer 'em. You could sign your question as "Haggered in Harrisburg", for example, or whatever you think of.DO: Pick the appropriate advice columnist, to suit your need, from the list, here: clickThen ask away!And don't forget, you can now also choose to "Ask Madonna" for advice (she may have some free time now ). Oh yikes, don't point that thing at us, it might go off!////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// [/div]
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Post by Hunny on Dec 7, 2012 14:28:08 GMT
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Ask a Redneck! SKYLARK ASKS: "Dear Redneck, I'm going on a long holiday abroad and told my sister in law about my plans. I casually mentioned that I must contact a local firm of professional dog sitters to arrange for them to have my dog Fido; he has been there before and I know he will be well looked after and gets lots of exercise with other dogs. My sister-in-law said "Oh, don't do that! I'll have Fido and charge only for his food. I'd love to have him." She lives alone with her overweight dog. Although she promises me that Fido will get lots of good walks, her idea of a long walk is 10 minutes round the block. I fear that Fido will be frustrated and maybe cause problems. How do I tell her tactfully that it wouldn't work?
A REDNECK SAYS: Well, there are other things Fido can do to keep active, even just round the house. Like warshin' the dishes!
He can also burn calories by chasing his tail and chewing himself, but I recommend a doggie wheel. Yep, a doggie wheel. I invented it! It's like a hamster wheel, 'cept much bigger, and dangling just out of reach is a nice juicy steak (you have to change it once in a while, my wife said so ). You cin order a doggie wheel from...well, I dont have that part yit, but whin I doo, you're sister in law will be mu first costomer, fer shure!
Now. What should you do till that happens? Well that's easy, jes' put lots of dishwarshin' soap bubbles t'round his mouth and tell her he has rabies and doesnt bite often. She mite jes' tell ya' to go with the professional service.
Hope that hilps!
Now if you'll excuse me, I was baby settin' when you called...
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// FRIDAY IS ADVICE DAY, AT BITS!
Just leave your questions as a comment, or pm them to Hunny if you'd like your question posted anonymously, and every Friday, you'll see some answers!
Silly or serious, I'll answer 'em. You could sign your question as "Haggered in Harrisburg", for example, or whatever you think of.
DO: Pick the appropriate advice columnist, to suit your need, from the list, here: click Then ask away! //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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