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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 21, 2011 23:22:58 GMT
The new Ron Howard movie coming out is about a friend that sees his best friend's wife with another man......and what he does about it.
So.....what I wanted to pose that question....and maybe others.
What would you do if you saw your best friend's spouse with someone else?
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Post by june on Jan 22, 2011 0:11:07 GMT
The new Ron Howard movie coming out is about a friend that sees his best friend's wife with another man......and what he does about it. So.....what I wanted to pose that question....and maybe others. What would you do if you saw your best friend's spouse with someone else? I wouldn't tell him or her I knew. I might subtly ask him if his wife was ok, what have they been up to lately etc. No good comes of interfering, the messenger is always shot in these circumstances!
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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 22, 2011 4:58:12 GMT
True.
I had a very close friend that was married when I was still single. I had not seen her in a couple of months, or talked to her, when I got a call one night from her husband asking to talk to her. I said she wasn't there. He acted stunned. The next day she called me and was irate! She was absolutely furious that I didn't say she was there and make up some type of story. She had been messing around on him and been using me for an alibi.
They ended up staying together.....and guess who they were both ticked off at.......me! And all I did was answer my own phone one night!! Go figure.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2011 7:24:19 GMT
I'd probably convince myself that it was a business colleague or old friend - or, if the body language was too damning, that it was just a one off thing. I'd say nothing.
Sadie, what a daft couple. Presumably your friend didn't pay you the courtesy of asking you if you would cover, and it sounds as though she didn't even bother to tell you. She was clearly cross with herself, and no doubt made up some story for her husband which put the blame on you.
Which raises another ehtical dilemma for the board: would you agree to being an alibi for a cheating friend? I'm afraid I did once, but I'm older and wiser now.
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Post by jean on Jan 22, 2011 9:22:06 GMT
No.
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Post by aubrey on Jan 22, 2011 10:21:35 GMT
Probably rather not, but it depends.
You don't know what kind of relationship they have, for one thing.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2011 11:42:03 GMT
The friend in question was already in a breaking marriage, and as it happened stayed with the man she began seeing covertly for nearly 30 years, until she died. I knew them both, but didn't introduce them to each other.
Happily I was never asked to lie; her husband didn't have my number. She just asked if I was okay about her saying she was at my place, and I agreed. She had helped me out a lot over various things; I was indebted to her. But it was still wrong to agree.
It was a work friend, by the way, and I did not know her husband at all.
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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 22, 2011 14:03:12 GMT
True Skylark.....the friend of mine had not asked me to cover for her.....or even mentioned a thing to me.......I seriously had not talked to her in a couple of months. I mean, really, if you are going to use someone as an alibi.....have the decency to tell them.
But you know.....I just can't say I would be comfortable doing it. Marriage stuff.....there is some crazy stuff that goes on there. Domestic stuff can get very violent, very quick and it's never a good idea to get in the middle of that stuff.
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Post by trubble on Jan 23, 2011 10:14:11 GMT
True Skylark.....the friend of mine had not asked me to cover for her.....or even mentioned a thing to me.......I seriously had not talked to her in a couple of months. I mean, really, if you are going to use someone as an alibi.....have the decency to tell them. Something similar happened to me. My friend's husband rang and asked to speak to her, and she - of course - was not with me, nor had I any idea where she was. She was having an affair. It was not the first time she had used me as an alibi, and never with my consent. I was floored - and really, what sort of lie could I have come up with!!? - so I had to say she wasn't with me. He thought I was joking, then he got cross... oh my heart was in my mouth. Turned out that the poor naive idiot was just playing a prank on me; ringing with a message from his wife about something else. Dear God.
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Post by trubble on Jan 23, 2011 10:28:04 GMT
Which raises another ehtical dilemma for the board: would you agree to being an alibi for a cheating friend? I'm afraid I did once, but I'm older and wiser now. I have two friends for which I would do anything bar an alibi to murder, and who knows, maybe even that... So, yes, I would probably agree to it. Reluctantly. Depends entirely on the situation and I'd make it clear that I wasn't comfortable with it. And they might have to endure hours of me giving them lectures and therapy and so on. In our late teens, my friend's boyfriend told me one night that he was going to break up with her later. We were all in the pub and she'd just nipped to the loo and he took the chance to ''warn'' me and ask me to be around for her for a few weeks. We had to sit there for another 2 hours with her in total ignorance and me wondering if I should ''warn'' her! In the end, I chose to stay quiet and just be there for her the next day. In the long run, that was the right thing to do. It was their relationship to work out and my interference would not have helped at all. And they are happily married now.
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Post by trubble on Jan 23, 2011 10:50:53 GMT
The new Ron Howard movie coming out is about a friend that sees his best friend's wife with another man......and what he does about it. So.....what I wanted to pose that question....and maybe others. What would you do if you saw your best friend's spouse with someone else? It's slightly different, but I saw my sister's boyfriend with another girl - again late teens/early twenties sort of age - but I didn't realise what I had seen. I went to wave to him and he completely blanked me. I couldn't understand it. I wasn't close to him - or even to my sister really - but it couldn't have been that he didn't know me, or that he really hated me that much. He was a bit of an A-lister in that he was extremely good-looking and part of a jet-set crowd, (and I always have deep reservations about those types ;D) and I put it down to him being in deep conversation, me looking a bit like a bag lady on the other side of the street and the glaring sun blocking his vision that had coincidentally caused him to suddenly throw on his sunglasses. I didn't think of it again. And you don't rush to tell anyone that you've been embarrassingly blanked by the in-crowd, do you. A couple of days later there was a family dinner, and I answered the door to him, completely forgetting the incident. But he pulled me aside and begged me not to mention what I had seen. He had a whole load of strange excuses and conversation about it being for my sister's benefit not to say anything and to be honest I felt very threatened by him. He was menacing. But he was effective. I ended up feeling confused and that I had done something wrong. That should have alerted me. And now that I am older and wiser I would recognise it for the manipulative manoeuvres of quite a frightening man. I felt guilty for not saying anything to my sister but we weren't close enough for me to voice my unease at his behaviour. I think she would have defended him, thought I was attacking him, and i knew it would deepen the start of a rift between us. It would probably have resulted in him causing trouble for her and me; I don't mean violence btw, I mean stirring psychological games really. I expect - in hindsight - that he had thought out a plan for if I did tell her. And actually - I still didn't know what it was I was supposed to be not telling her! Although it began to dawn on me. And I felt an ongoing guilt about not speaking up. Anyhoo - a good time later she confided in me about problems they were having. This was the first time she had ever done anything like that; like I say, we were not close at the time. She thought the problem was her. And she was very depressed about it. Very low in self esteem. Very unlike her. And although her version of events was different, because of my experience of him I was able to see that he was manipulating her in the same way he had done with me at the door that day. And because of that, I was able to be strong and give her excellent advice that resulted in her leaving him and regaining her self-esteem. And he was horrible! And it was difficult for her. And it was one of the things that bonded us. We are close now. In a weird way, my original silence was the best thing that could have happened. Maybe it is better for the friend if one stays silent but stays on alert for the crash that might be coming?
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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 23, 2011 15:20:28 GMT
Wow Trubble.......that is just the best ending to a story about something like that I have ever heard. That is really awesome.
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Post by iamjumbo on Jan 28, 2011 23:35:56 GMT
True. I had a very close friend that was married when I was still single. I had not seen her in a couple of months, or talked to her, when I got a call one night from her husband asking to talk to her. I said she wasn't there. He acted stunned. The next day she called me and was irate! She was absolutely furious that I didn't say she was there and make up some type of story. She had been messing around on him and been using me for an alibi. They ended up staying together.....and guess who they were both ticked off at.......me! And all I did was answer my own phone one night!! Go figure. obviously, neither one of them were your friend. good riddance of bad rubbish
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Post by iamjumbo on Jan 28, 2011 23:38:03 GMT
I'd probably convince myself that it was a business colleague or old friend - or, if the body language was too damning, that it was just a one off thing. I'd say nothing. Sadie, what a daft couple. Presumably your friend didn't pay you the courtesy of asking you if you would cover, and it sounds as though she didn't even bother to tell you. She was clearly cross with herself, and no doubt made up some story for her husband which put the blame on you. Which raises another ehtical dilemma for the board: would you agree to being an alibi for a cheating friend? I'm afraid I did once, but I'm older and wiser now. an accessory to a crime is just as guilty as the perpetrator. it will make you just as worthless as they are
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Post by iamjumbo on Jan 28, 2011 23:44:34 GMT
well, no one has brought up the consequences of your friend finding out that you knew, and didn't tell them anyway, hell yes i'd tell them. nothing in the world is more important than honesty
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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 29, 2011 0:02:48 GMT
The people that I know that have had affairs........their partners knew. They were pretty blatant about it and it seemed they were both at it. So luckily I haven't had to be in that position.
I have one kind of weird cheating story....there was a group in my town years ago that formed to fight pornography....they of course were fanatical religious....and picketed convenience stores and any place that sold Playboy and Hustler magazine (because you know how those places force you to buy those!!) Well.....the leader was married w/kids......absolute poster child for the group.......unfortunately he died.......and unfortunately so did the prostitute he was naked with....while they were shacked up in an RV they left running in a warehouse. Kinda broke up the whole group...........
Felt sorry for his wife and the kids......she didn't deserve that and it was of course dragged thru all the papers............but just proves that story about people living in glass houses.......
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Post by DAS (formerly BushAdmirer) on Jan 29, 2011 2:38:03 GMT
I love the idea of having extra marital affairs. But I keep getting turned down by the hot 27 year old babes. Damn!
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Post by june on Jan 29, 2011 13:16:11 GMT
I love the idea of having extra marital affairs. But I keep getting turned down by the hot 27 year old babes. Damn! Norty! ;D
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Post by sadie1263 on Jan 29, 2011 16:21:09 GMT
I wonder if Damon Bennett from Holmes on Homes would be willing to sneak around for just a little bit? hmmmmm.......bet if it got our sunroom done.....hubby wouldn't mind so much.......
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Post by june on Jan 29, 2011 20:33:48 GMT
I wonder if Damon Bennett from Holmes on Homes would be willing to sneak around for just a little bit? hmmmmm.......bet if it got our sunroom done.....hubby wouldn't mind so much....... Picture please ;D
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